If Movies Were Gluten-Free

The Oscars are just a week and a half behind us, which means I still have movies on my mind. More specifically, I now have a long list of DVDs to rent of great movies that I haven’t yet seen. Every year, it seems, the Academy Awards remind me what terrible movie-goers Kelli and I can be. In the seven-plus years we’ve been married, we’ve averaged less than one trip to the movie theater per year. Perhaps it’s time to re-start our Netflix membership… but I digress (as usual).

Over the years, more than a few great movies have featured food scenes that have become classic. Who can forget the plate of shared spaghetti and that slurped noodle leading to a kiss in Lady and the Tramp? Or that famous line from the Godfather: “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

One of the ultimate food movie scenes (in a movie with several classic scenes) must be Meg Ryan as super-picky, compulsive and particular Sally ordering apple pie in When Harry Met Sally.

To the bewilderment of her waitress, she orders “apple pie a la mode… but I’d like the pie heated, and I don’t want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side. And I’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it’s real. If it’s out of a can, then nothing.”

“Not even the pie?” responds the waitress.

“No, just the pie. But then not heated.”

I like to think how that scene might have played out differently if Sally were gluten-free. I imagine it would have gone something like this:

“I’ll have the apple pie a la mode… but only if the pie is gluten-free. Is the crust gluten-free? If not, I’ll just have the apple pie filling, but only if it never touched the pie crust, and only if there’s no flour mixed in with the apples. Do you use cornstarch? And please make sure to use a separate clean spoon to scoop the apples. Otherwise, I’ll just have the ice cream. Do you happen to have dairy-free ice cream? Some people with gluten issues are also lactose intolerant, you know. On second thought, I’ll just have a fruit cup.”

What are some of your favorite classic movie food scenes? Extra credit: If the food – or the person eating it – isn’t gluten-free, re-imagine how that scene might have been different, and leave it in the comments!

– Pete